That’s the question someone asked at my workshop this Sunday in Chicago. She was referencing the Marriage & Intimacy part of the fulfillment wheel and had described her love life as pretty much nonexistent.
Who’s with her?
With marriage rates decreasing year after year, the number of Americans over the age of 25 who have never been married is currently at its highest. So, if you're single right now, you're definitely not alone (although it should be noted that most people at the workshop were relatively satisfied being single and preferred it that way for now).
Later that night, I was hanging with a friend who had also attended the workshop and we were talking about the process of starting over and making space for new beginnings in love.
I started to imagine a healthy relationship as a really well-knit sweater (cozy, loose but not too loose, giving you all the homey, comfort feels) and an unhealthy one being a little more itchy, irritating, maybe too tight, making you burst at the seams.
But here’s the thing. You won’t know what sweater you’re knitting with someone until you have enough strands of fabric (aka moments & experiences) to make it. You may find out that the sweater you’ve started knitting with a person requires only 5 minutes of knitting to know that he or she is not for you.
For other people, it could take 50 years to realize that the knitted sweater they’ve created together is simply not a good fit.
But in the knitting (aka getting to know you) process, each additional strand that’s knitted should feel like you’re creating a sweater that will both let you move freely and feel secure. The best part is when each additional strand starts making you feel warmer and comfier than ever before.
Not the case for you? Do yourself (and your partner) a favor and don’t settle just yet (regardless of history or backstory). Because there will come a sweater that is truly a good fit for BOTH of you, if you can allow yourself the space, time, and courage to knit one with someone else.
Sound scary? Of course. Either way, in the words of Nelson Mandela, “may your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” Falling in love is scary, so is falling out of love, so is not being in love at all. But go into whatever your situation is with the hope that you will come out a better person (and maybe be a well-knit sweater couple) in the end.
By the way my friends know that my famous metaphors come out only when giving them advice. So I’ll be sending you my #MetaphoroftheMonth from now on so you can take full advantage of this too!
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