On Saturday I had what you might call a meltdown LOL.
I was at an Italian restaurant with my boyfriend and his best friend (also from Italy) and we were gonna try to watch the Eurocup match between their home country and Austria.
Keyword TRY.
The moment I walked in, I felt overly packed in, suffocated, and was mad that I wore jeans (should've come in a bathing suit it was so hot).
I was like, "I can do this!" in my usual optimistic fashion. "It'll be INTERESTING." I just didn't know HOW interesting.
Cut to when we literally can't find a spot to stand and exist, pizzas flying off the serving dishes onto the floor, and a kid slipping and falling right next to me.
Instead of asking the kid if he was all good I was like, "NOPE. I'M OUT." And bolted out the door (more like swam through people out the door so way more delayed than your typical bolt).
When I got outside, I mapped out the way home when I got a text from Angelo saying he found a spot and to come back in.
I tried to get a clear definition of what spot meant, because for me spot needed to mean SEAT as in somewhere to safely put myself in that sea of people.
After waiting awhile for an answer, I figured I could go in and check. MISTAKE lolololol. And my body knew it!
Cuz obviously spot just meant being pressed up on a glass barricade, squished like a sardine. SO FUN.
I saw my face in that moment, so red with rage and my blood boiling up into it (there was a mirror behind me, so great when that happens right? HA).
And to be honest? I was mostly mad at myself for not listening to my body.
Let's be clear. Even before we left the apartment, I 100% kNEW that I shouldn't be there and I went back in anyways.
Before I left for good (never going back lol) I went over to the bar to try and get water (felt like I was overheating for real y'all, Pitta energy uNLEASHED).
I see this man barricading the bar between two stools by standing on the frames of them lifted five inches off the floor (sorry don't know what to call that).
I was like, "I need to get through." And came straight at him pretty much, like honey I will take you down LOL.
With loads of hesitation (he was watching the game and needed to see of course) he stepped off.
I got my water from the panicked bartender who, in a frenzy, couldn't even find his ice scooper poor dude, when that same barstool guy was like, "Excuse me..."
And I went all scornful tone and was all like, "I'm leaving soon, give me a minute." I know it doesn't seem that bad typing it out here, but yeah you should see my DON'T MESS WITH ME face LOL.
He then goes, "I just wanted my drink under your arms, don't be rude, don't be an a**hole."
To which I totally ignored, turned my head and finished my water, cuz on some level, homeboy was right!
I was an a$$hole!
And I am one!
I'm a total a$$hole.
The beauty of that? I stand up for myself. I go after what I want. I don't let anybody tell me what to do.
The drawback of that? Sometimes I make assumptions too fast and react out of sheer ignorance. What can you do!
After I leapt out of there, I walked it off, trying to calm down, rage texting Angelo, then it started pouring rain. Basically Universe being like, GIRL cool your sh*t!
I called one of my best friends, Allison, and started crying. I was exhausted. And I didn't know what to do next.
Here's why I'm telling you all this: you can go from super relaxed ready to watch a game, to so angry you could pour water all over barstool guy, to crying with a friend all under 20 minutes.
That's what happens when you don’t LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.
I remember when I used to be this reactive and have meltdowns like this on a daily basis as a kid (oh honey I've got STORIES), on a weekly basis AT LEAST in my teens and early 20's, and now?
It's about twice a year.
When it happens? There's always something that I need to do for myself. It's always about coming back home to me.
So if the summer heat has been getting to you, or if you're feeling more reactive than usual, ask yourself, what's my deeper desire here?
What do I really need in this moment?
For me, it was to get the eff outta there and go home.
Nothing wrong with ditching am I right?
To being a$$holes,
Kimberly
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