Yesterday, around 10:30am, my family and I had to say goodbye to Layla Lu...the sweetest beagle I have ever met <3
I don't usually write about the dogs in my life and I haven't ever technically been an owner...
But the last few family dogs that we've had have felt like sisters to me...and Layla Lu was no different. Wiping away tears as I write...
My parents adopted her in 2019 from a shelter nearby. She had clearly been abused and she struggled to recover from that...
Her body constantly bracing as we picked her up...her legs skittering away if we moved too quickly towards her...
Poor baby...I don't know what happened to her before we had her. But for the last five years, we tried to make up for the pain she went through in her early years.
I think she knew how good she had it. She was the only beagle we ever had that didn't run away. She really loved it here.
Her first buddy was Remy, our chocolate lab, and when she passed at the end of 2020, Layla was devastated.
Shortly after, my mom found Hazel, an American foxhound who we nicknamed Crazel. We also lovingly refer to her as the Hellhound of Hamilton.
They were a funny pair...Layla slow and calm, Hazel neurotic and frantic. Layla was almost like her emotional support animal.
Right now, Hazel's confused. The grief is starting to hit her and she's starting to realize what happened...it's hard to watch.
When grief showers over me, I take the time to feel, sit, and process...to not work, to not write...and currently I'm doing a bit of both...writing to you feels cathartic somehow...
Laying it out when it's super fresh...and super raw...maybe you've been through something similar?
To be honest, we knew she wasn't gonna last much longer...she got diagnosed with stage four lymphoma this fall...but we were hoping she would make it another year.
And the last couple of months, she was doing so well with the chemo...until she wasn't. And now...she's gone.
Miraculously, my sister and I both arrived on Tuesday. It just kinda worked out that way randomly. Feels like divine orchestration because the next morning, we were all together.
Once Heather and I made it to the emergency vet, we already knew there was no chance for Layla. We knew that it would be goodbye.
We laid on the floor in fetal position next to her, we cried in her fur, we gave her oxygen, we held her paws, and then...she was gone.
It's so weird to hold a dead body. To feel like there's still something there when there isn't. Wishing she was still alive. Wanting to pet her ears one last time...I never wanted to let go.
Sobbing as I type...it was such a sobfest yesterday too.
Over Thanksgiving, we took a family picture by the Christmas tree. Almost as if she knew, Layla wandered over and got in the shot.
In years past, she didn't like being forced to take those photos, but this year, she wanted to be close to us when we did.
My cousin Michelle said, in that moment, it felt like her way of showing how much she loves us. How much she'll miss us. And that she didn't have much time left...
That was her last holiday...her last time feeling healthy with the whole family. I'm so glad she didn't suffer for long.
Who knows...maybe she's up in doggy heaven looking down on us. Thankful for the family that showed her what true love is.
As Christmas rolls around, I know the house will be infinitely quieter...she would normally be breathing super loudly and yowling for food...
I know we'll use this time as a family to remember her and hold her close energetically for just a little longer.
Eventually, we need to release the people and beings that we love. No one ever feels ready. But I'm definitely feeling guided.
This week's YouTube video is no exception. I tend to surprise myself with the ones I have in the queue. I recorded the video below a few months ago and it feels like divine timing to have it published this week...
Even if you're not grieving anything at the moment, maybe there's something you need to release. And this video will help you do just that.
In it, you'll...
- Use the breath to release stuck energy in your body.
- Shake away any negativity from the past year.
- Meditate on the energy you want to bring into 2025.
Watch it on YouTube and remember to say I love you to someone special whenever you have a moment.
Thank you for being here. It means the world to me <3
Love and hugs,
Kimberly
If you’re new here, welcome! I’m so glad we’re connected! Just so you know, I send weekly love letters like this to my email list and sometimes don’t post it up on my website until months after. If you don’t wanna miss a thing, click here to sign up for that inbox party! There’s a few free welcome gifts on the inside :)